


Public relations   -  or: Five things Spock does not allow Jim to speak of while in public and the one that he really doesn't mind...

by amerasu1013 (amerasu_1013)



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Bonding, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-30
Updated: 2010-07-30
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amerasu_1013/pseuds/amerasu1013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Public relations   -  or: Five things Spock does not allow Jim to speak of while in public and the one that he really doesn't mind...

**Author's Note:**

> This was first published at st_xi_kink over at delicious.com for this prompt:
> 
> "5 things Spock doesn't allow Jim to say in public, and the 1 that he lets slip by"
> 
> Reposted here and betaed my the awesome infiniterider. You continue to rock my world! Any remaining mistakes are mine, especially since English is not my native language.
> 
> Also, disclaimer: I own nothing, all Star Trek belongs to people way more important than me. This is a work of fiction, no offense is intended.
> 
> Can also be found at my journal: http://amerasu1013.livejournal.com/1904.html
> 
> Rated Mature for a couple of swear words and some slash.

1\. Human pick-up lines

"Is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Spock has spent sufficient time around humans to have come in contact with several phrases indicating sexual interest in another being, also it was not the first time such phrases were directed at him. This does not mean he approves of it.

The first time the Captain utters these words, everyone around them laughs, although the middle of a fire-fight does not seem to be a fitting place for humor. However, the Captain manages to lighten the mood of all involved, the stressed faces lose some of their lines, so Spock refrains from remarking upon the illogicalness of his behavior. That Kirk manages to soothe some of the anxiety which grips his team, even while bleeding profusely from a large gash in his side, is admirable.

So Spock says nothing. This time.

Later that day tough, after the Captain wakes up from surgery, Spock calmly informs him of the proper conduct of a Starfleet Captain and requests that Kirk refrain from such behavior, which also could be considered sexual harassment by a number of people. Kirk's wink does not bode well, but the Captain promises to "behave himself" while near Spock. He guesses, that, as humans put it, at least "is something".

 

2\. S’chn T’gai Spock

No matter how many times Jim tries, he just can't get it right. Who the hell gives their children names nobody could pronounce, anyway? Vulcans, apparently, and yeah, okay, Vulcans probably have no problems with Spock's first name, but still. It just doesn't seem right to just call someone by their last name all the time.

And okay, he knows that "Jim" isn't all that hard to pronounce, thank you, the point is, Spock, if he was so inclined, could call _everyone_ by their first name, even Bones (and how much did that freak Bones out the first time Spock called him Leonard? Granted, Spock thought he was gonna die at that point, but whatever) and Ensign S't'pauay down in engineering, whose name _no one_ can pronounce.

So he practices, again and again, asks Uhura for advice – another example of  the whole unfairness of it, ‘cause while Jim sure is _able_ to pronounce his Communication Officer's first name, he sure isn't _allowed_ to call her that, and Spock is, the bastard – and even the older Spock, but it. just. doesn't. work.

Spock is fed up with his attempts really fast, too, and informs him in no uncertain terms that he is "to cease this butchering of my patronymic as it causes a significant amount of stress to my acoustic organ". Jim has a flippant comment ready, but considering Spock's tightly pressed lips and the way he's eyeing Jim's neck, he thinks better of it.

Later, Uhura informs him that his accent made Spock's first name sound like a Klingon swear-word for, ah, sexual intercourse between males. Hmm. Could be the green tint to Spock's ears was not, in fact, anger, but maybe kind of something like embarrassment? He definitely should look into that.

 

3\. Human pick-up lines, again

Spock cannot understand why Jim sees the need to use “pick-up lines” on him when they already are in a sexual relationship. Also Spock is aware that most of the crew knows of their involvement, but he prefers their intimate conduct remains exactly that: intimate.

Jim tells him that's just something humans like to do, Spock tells him that it is illogical. Jim tells him his face is illogical. Spock makes it clear that the continued use of phrases like "Wow, the mess hall seems hot today, or is that just you, Spock?" or "If you want, you can sit in the Captain's chair, just, you know, without me moving" will unavoidably result in a ceasing of sexual intercourse between the two of them.

Jim agrees readily, which is perhaps not surprising, considering the fact that during this discussion Spock is steadily thrusting in and out of Jim's body and has a hand clamped securely around his lover's penis. Still, after this… discussion Spock allows himself a small smug smile every time Jim opens his mouth, starts to say something, and seems to think better, giving Spock a sheepish grin.

 

4\. Past conquests

Vulcans are possessive bastards. This is not to be taken lightly, so Jim will repeat: Vulcans are possessive bastards.

Not enough that Spock manages to frighten everybody away who somehow seems to maybe show the slightest hint of interest in Jim just by stalking over and glaring. It's kinda awesome. Spock also really doesn't like to be reminded that Jim had a sex life before. So every time he meets someone he used to, well, _know_, or he thinks of something or someone he did – the bond's freaky that way – he has to deal with an angry Vulcan at his back.

This kinda sucks, you know? Because he likes his memories, and his past encounters, well most of them, and he likes the stuff he did back then, even the kinky shit. Well, most of it. And he wouldn't mind re-enacting some of that stuff, okay? Also, now he's Captain in addition to being hot and sexy and just generally awesome, and now even more people want to sleep with him. He wouldn’t take them up on it, of course, ‘cause he has Spock now, too, but still. It's nice to be wanted, right? And his fantasies while jerking of are just that, fantasies.

Of course, Spock features most prominently in these fantasies, and he knows Spock wants him and just him, no one else, and that burning need coursing through their bond is totally awesome, but every once in a while Jim likes to see that he's still irresistible. Plus, angry jealous sex is hot. Personally Jim thinks Spock's first Pon Farr was triggered by Gaila, oblivious to Spock glaring her to death and half the bridge crew trying to shut her up, spending over an hour happily recounting all the stuff she and Jim got up to.

But then he nearly gets sacrificed this one time because of his reputation as a giant space-slut, and some girl from way back claims he is the father of her daughter – which he totally isn't, by the way! – and some other guys want an orgy. It freaks him out, a little, and there is no angry jealous sex, just several days of Spock sad and quietly hurting and Uhura glaring at him, and Jim feels like an ass.

Then some queen on some other planet abducts Spock and tries to force him into marriage and this guy in this place has his hands all over Spock, and then some Vulcan floozy thinks she's married to Spock and Jim seethes. He thinks he can understand the jealousy now, it's definitively not a nice position to be in and Jim totally kicks their collective asses. The angry jealous sex is still hot, though.

So Jim more or less grudgingly gives up on his flirting, or "man-whoring", as Bones calls it, and they have a talk, and all is well. And if, from time to time, Jim reminisces about this girl from Betazoid or this guy from Enora just to get Spock worked up, it's between the two of them. Well, and Bones, who provides rants and glares and muscle relaxants for Jim the morning after.

 

5\. References to ancient human entertainment features

Spock does not like “Star Wars”. The Captain made him watch all 12 features of the series, and Spock has made his disregard quite known. This does not derail Jim from quoting the movies at every opportune and not so opportune moment.

Spock convinces him otherwise.

Nerve-pinching his captain and lover might seem like an over-reaction, but even the most controlled Vulcan could not stand being called "Darth" for over a week.

 

And One:

Spock won't let Jim call him sweetheart, or honeybun, or darling, or Mrs. Kirk (okay, that was funny only once anyway, Bones' face was priceless, but Sarek is kinda scary and it probably wasn't a good idea when he referred to Spock this way in front of the assembled Vulcan Elders. Jim was sent back to the ship right away with a murderous death glare from his lover and Eyebrows of Doom from the rest of the Vulcans – and seriously, do they have classes in preschool for that? – and had to spend the rest of the week with his right hand as sole company, but whatever) or sweetcheeks or a number of other, completely illogical and human endearments, but.

When he whispers "T'hy'la" during sex or during a mind meld or on the bridge or in the mess hall or in sickbay when one of them got hurt or, well, any time, really, Spock looks at him and his mouth curls up a bit, and his eyes shine and over their bond comes such a wave of enjoyment and affection, that Jim is left almost breathless, every time.

So he makes sure to say it as often as possible. Even if Bones swears at him and calls him a sap.

 

The End

\----------

P.S.: I totally stole the line in Nr. 3 with "your face is illogical" from some other fic. I really liked that fic, but I just can't find it anymore. So, credit to the author, if she/he recognizes her/himself: you totally rock, sorry for stealing your line...


End file.
